ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Time Out
Sponsor by mail helped him to address what was buried and oozing out.
All my life, I looked like I had it together—married, seven children, active in serving others, and a belief in a Higher Power. But for 27 years, I lived a double life, trapped in pornography and secrets.

A Letter of Concern to Us All
This is a portion of the SA Trustees’ letter to us all regarding the crisis of the Seventh Tradition. 
June, 2026
Greetings SA Groups,
We give thanks for you, your Group, and for the hope of recovery from sexual addiction you represent in your community. We all unite around the Fifth Tradition: “Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers”(12 & 12 150 ).

Recovery shows him the damage that swearing and sarcasm cause to others and to himself.
I most often raise my hand during SA meetings when a member’s share includes successive instances of swearing. I feel and see the pain in the speaker, and that pain projected at others in the room. I hear their self-hate and feel the words burying into my similarly wounded soul. I raise my hand and often take the member aside after the meeting to explain that their swearing reminds me of how cruel and disrespectful I was to myself and inadvertently to others around me.

The Program taught her how to embrace every healing aspect of Recovery, Unity, and Service.
“What happened to you?” my grandmother asked. I was eight years old. Silence. I had been raped by my father. He told me if I told my mother, I would kill her; did that apply to my grandmother too? I took no chances and stayed silent. My fantasy world began, and I gained 30 pounds that year. The weight gain was protection from my father—maybe he would no longer find me attractive. I became very introverted and isolated. My peers called me the hermit. I was also sexually abused by an uncle and shut that incident out for 20 years. My mother continued to have health problems and was frequently in the hospital, leaving me alone with my father. 

He learned boundaries that allowed him to share safely and listen attentively. 
There is a time to speak and a time to listen. I had to relearn how to talk and listen in the rooms in order to stay in the Fellowship and keep working the Steps. When I first came to the rooms, I was brash and egotistical. My unhelpful shares were full of platitudes of SA sayings and advice to think positively. Afterwards, I would wait for applause or a smiling emoji. When I failed to get any response, I would drift into self-pity and fear of rejection. Alternatively, when I listened to others’ shares, I judged them harshly. I would critique their share on how positive their message was, if there was a logical progression, or if it was funny. I was not open-minded, so I learned little and criticized even more as the years passed.

She is so grateful that the Steps taught her how to connect using safe, healthy sharing. 
When I built a wall between me and those I loved, I severed connection to God and others.  I completely separated myself when I was four years old because I was raging at everyone. 

Recovery was not something to observe on the sidelines of life, but rather something to be lived. 
When I first came into the Fellowship, I was confounded and confused. I had no idea how to recover and definitely no recovery experience to share. So, I simply sat in meetings and absorbed the knowledge, information, and, most importantly, the experience, strength, and hope (ESH) that others had and shared. This continued for months. 

The literature on sharing in meetings helped her apply boundaries to protect her sobriety.
One of the earliest pieces my sponsor recommended I read and journal my thoughts on was the section in the White Book called “Meetings—How They Work” (SA 185).  In particular, the “Meeting Guidelines” (SA 188-189). These pages set me up wonderfully for a lifetime of appropriate sharing and listening in SA meetings.