ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Dear ESSAY,
Hello, my name is Jason A., and I have been an active member of SA since 2020. I am also incarcerated in Illinois for a crime that was a result of my addictions. My old SA group has helped me stay connected since I started this sentence in 2023. I still need Recovery Continues, The Best of ESSAY, and perhaps a renewal of my ESSAY subscription. Once I am released, I want to get involved with SA and this ESSAY committee. In the meantime, I composed two articles for the upcoming issues. You can find them enclosed.

Shrinking his inflamed ego became possible by generously applying the solution of humility.
As a recovering sexaholic, I have always been an intense person. In my active disease, I demanded that the world revolve around my desires. When I finally hit the rooms and got a little sobriety under my belt, something wonderful happened; I started to look good. I cleaned up, my relationships stabilized, and the daily chaos stopped. 

People-pleasing and true selflessness were two very different things that were not compatible with each other. 
My understanding of selflessness has changed completely since working the Twelve Steps out of the Big Book. 
I used to think selflessness meant always doing what other people wanted. I rarely shared my own opinions or desires. I tried to become the person I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I now see that was really driven by fear. I was constantly thinking about what other people thought of me and trying to keep everyone happy with me.

This test always gives him the correct indication of being in God’s will or in self.
There is an idea that changed my life. It is foundational to Step Three. It’s the reason this program works.
“I am a conduit suffering under the delusion that I am a container.” Self-delusion says that if I focus on filling myself up and getting what I want — comfort, control, attention, relief, pleasure, security — I will finally be happy. Wrong.

Taking other people’s temperature was a gateway into lustful intrigue.
I had no idea what the phrase “quit playing God” from Step Three meant. I thought it meant quit demanding people behave my way, and that circumstances go my way. It definitely means those things, but oh, so much more.

Step Three remained ineffective until getting unblocked from taking Steps Four through Nine.
When I was new in the Program and confronted with the need to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understood Him, I felt I was doomed. I had already turned my life over to God in my early twenties, and I came into the Fellowship of SA at age 54. For over three decades, that decision—while providing great benefits in many areas of my life—had little to no effect in helping me overcome my obsession with lust. If that was really the answer to my problem, I feared I was hopeless.

Following the suggestion in the literature to accept outside help when needed was a deeper Step Three that drew her closer to God. 
lW
To write about giving my life to God, I would like to take as a subject one of the less-quoted passages of the Big Book: “If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also.” (AA 87)

Trusting God’s plan for his disclosure led to many “God-incidences” that arranged the conversation perfectly.
Ever since joining SA, I’ve wanted to disclose to my wife. I was immediately cautioned to hold off. 
After a few months, my sponsor agreed that we begin preparing. He had me call an old-timer to discuss the particulars, but this person didn’t respond for two weeks. I was anxious and was becoming resentful.