ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. Your letter was not anticipated so receiving it made it all the more special. I am grateful to have had 18 months between being “busted” and being arrested in which time I was able to become sexually sober, attend SA meetings, work the Steps with a sponsor, reunite with old friends in AA, and receive professional therapy. I was even able to make some critical 9th Step amends before going to prison. By the Grace of God and the fellowships of AA and SA, I marked four years’ sexual sobriety this past June, and twenty-four years sobriety from alcohol.

I will try to share my experience, strength and hope as it touches upon the role my father Roy K. played in both my addiction and recovery. It's been a bumpy road for us both, thanks to our addiction and character defects.
Of course our conflicts and issues were not the real problem. We just didn't see that at the time. We were caught in the grip of the blame game, one looking to fix the other instead of looking inward to fix ourselves. We tried to clean up each other's yard instead of cleaning up our own. It's hard enough to change myself, but impossible to change others. In fact I've found it impossible to change myself without practicing the spiritual principles found in SA. Principles such as forgiveness and accepting others as they are. "Live and let live"—the path to peace.

Before joining SA, I did activities with a hidden agenda- to spot or be spotted by a “potential husband”. I cringe when I think about these crazy motives. As I was doing Step Four, my sponsor asked me if I would accept life if I never got married. It was a very tough question and I felt justified in my dream of getting married some day; however, she opened my eyes to see that I could still live and enjoy life as a single woman. It is in SA that I learned to pursue fun activities with no hidden lust motives.

Fun in recovery was the last thing on my mind when I first stepped into the rooms. I was at rock bottom and thought my life would never see joy again, much less fun again. I had been found out and subsequently destroyed my marriage and the relationships with my teenage children. I never thought that fast forward 6 years I would rediscover joy in my life and have fun in my recovery. By applying the principles of this program in all my affairs, I have been able to reestablish joy and fun in all aspects of my life including with my wife, my family and the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous.

When I first started my recovery journey I was plagued with the usual incessant buzz inside my head that only addicts and compulsive neurotics can identify with:

شغل من حراست از یک مجموعه بزرگ شامل باغها و یک ساختمان است . چند هفته قبل در موقعیتی کاملاً جدید قرار گرفتم که  قبلاً هرگز آن را تجربه نکرده بودم . افرادی که با آنها کار  و زندگی می کردم به مدت دو ماه به تعطیلات تابستانی رفتند .

من به شهری در ساحل شرقی استرالیا منتقل شدم. دو جلسه اس ای در آنجا وجود داشت و اعتیاد جنسی موضوع خیلی تابویی بود و البته هنوز هم این چنین است.  اخیرا در یکی از برنامه های تلویزیونی به جلسات ما اشاره شد که باعث ایجاد مشکل در یکی از دارالمساکین یا همان محل توزیع رایگان غذا گردید. به دلیل این اتفاق دیگر آنها در دارلمساکین پوسترها ما را نصب نمیکردند و پمفلت های ما را در دسترس دیگران قرار نمیدادند. این فقط قسمت کوچکی از مشکلاتی است که ما در این شهر با آن روبرو هستیم.

از لحظه ای که برنامه را بصورت جدی دنبال می کنم و قدمها را با راهنمایی کار می کنم که خود در حال کارکرد قدمها با  راهنمایش است (و الی آخر)؛  به وضوح برای من آشکار شده است که تمرکز عمده و هدف اصلی ما قدم دوازدهم یعنی  رساندن پیام است .