ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)
The mission of ESSAY is to serve as a source of information, experience, strength and hope to sexaholics, both inside and outside the rooms of Sexaholics Anonymous. Our vision is to provide a high-quality “meeting in print” that gathers together members from around the world. It can serve as a portable “extra meeting” especially for loners and for members who don’t have access to many meetings. In addition, Essay serves as an outreach tool to carry the message to those who have not yet found SA. We strive to include a mix of stories and shares from a wide variety of members, including men and women, prisoners, and international members. In addition, ESSAY provides Fellowship announcements and information on subjects such as new meetings, Fellowship events, and our service structure. We hope that all of the articles we publish will offer useful information and provide experience, strength, and hope to all who suffer from the disease of sexaholism. Fellowship actvities such as international conventions, regional events and local events appear in the Calendar section. Each issue has a theme and various sections to share sexaholic stories and practical tools. In addition to letters and group news, ESSAY offers short, edited articles written by members about recovery and our solution. The Practical Recovery Tools section features members sharing on the topic, “Exactly how I did it.” Submissions may also include meditations, poetry, and humor. ESSAY is guided by the principles of the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts. Each issue contains the following statement:
Listen on:
Episodes
Episodes
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Time being single and sober has allowed her to hear Higher Power’s will for her.
I have been sober for several years now, and have taken my first steps toward recovery. By “recovery,” I don’t just mean working the Steps, but that I am literally “recovering.” I’m talking about healing and restoration.
This allows me to better discern the voice of my “lower self,” but also my “higher self.” My lower self wants to take things from the world to make itself happy. My higher self is where my Higher Power resides. It is the part of me where wholeness, peace, and a healing, driving force can be found. God is not up there in the sky, but here within me. When I follow Him, the healthy part of me grows and I heal, slowly but surely.
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
He discovered that being single allowed him to devote his whole life to God.
I was not put in this program by a spouse. I put myself here of my own volition. I don’t have to get found out or exposed because I have the opportunity to expose and find out about myself here in safety and connection with others, united in fellowship all across the world. I may not ever marry. It is possible that I could live a neo-monastic life in spiritual practice and connection with others under God all across the planet, and I’m okay with that. Lotta pain still, but pain when fully processed becomes wisdom.
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
God’s love and will in her life are all she needs, and anything else is extra.
I grew up with an urge to be a grandmother; I just loved the idea of having a family and children. I would name my daughter after the girl who sits on the last bench in my class. I was in first grade, and I looked at my crush and thought, “If we had a daughter, I would name her after my classmate who’s at the top of our class.” Cute, right? I chuckle because I was only five when I did this.
Does this make me a sexaholic? Was it just an obsession or a childhood first love? Well, I always liked being in the feeling of love. Yes, love… the grass gets greener, and the sun seems brighter. And when I look at him, I love it when he looks back from afar. I love this one-sided melody without any destination. I don’t know when it turned into an obsession; I don’t know when this foolishness turned into insanity.
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
By repairing the past, through working the program, he found the freedom of being single.
Throughout my lust addiction, romantic relationships became a golden calf to me. I thought an attractive, emotionally compatible girlfriend would fulfill and complete me. Having a girlfriend became a persistent fantasy, but every time a woman would say yes to my proposition for a date, I would run from the relationship as soon as it took off. I was too emotionally immature to share my heart with someone in a way that was even remotely selfless or healthy. I was afraid the woman would find out who I really was. To protect myself from rejection, like a parachutist jumping from a crashing airplane, I would bail from the relationship as soon as it took off, fleeing to my addiction, where I thought I could never get hurt.
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
She came to accept Higher Power’s plan for her.
I had to learn to love myself, not in the way a conceited person does, but as a precious child of God. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and to remember I am a precious child of God. Not a perfect one, but a work in progress with my Higher Power molding me to His will. I am not in charge of my life; my Higher Power is in charge. I have to accept that Higher Power knows what is best for me. I accept that Higher Power’s plan for me is to be single. Being single is not a failure. I am grateful for the lessons my Higher Power has taught me about loving and liking myself as a precious child of God. God is for the sexaholics, including me. It took me a long time to believe that. Sometimes I forget but my Higher Power reminds me through prayer, words of another sexaholic, or SA literature.
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Surrendering Lust helped him to surrender the shame that came with it.
Yesterday, I started the day in the usual way with prayers and readings—I thank God for that. I then went to do some errands. About mid-morning, there was a lust hit. I knew the danger, and I acted swiftly. I averted my eyes, got out of the situation, surrendered the look, and prayed. I acknowledged my powerlessness. The lust look is a weakness—it always has been.
For me, this is not alarming. There was a temptation to look but no struggle or anything like that. I am a sexaholic and this can happen….I can’t take the first drink!
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
This tool helps him to release the past.
There are moments in life when the past will not let go. I’ve started the path of recovery, made amends where I could, committed to change, and yet — the memories remain. The images return. The shame lingers. While I’ve begun to move forward on the outside, my mind is still caught in the painful echoes of what I’ve done. This is where the Prayer of Divine Remembrance comes in.
“God, grant me Your divine remembrance.
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Tuesday Aug 12, 2025
Recovery radically changed how he celebrates Father’s Day.
I used to think Father’s Day was about waiting for my children to shower me with drawings, or words that would make me feel like a good father. I thought it was a day to sit back and receive—to be told that all my sacrifices were noticed, my sleepless nights appreciated, my worrying understood.
But something has shifted in me.