Saturday Jun 14, 2025
ESSAY June 2025 - Tears of Gratitude - Nicholas S., UK
ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)
The mission of ESSAY is to serve as a source of information, experience, strength and hope to sexaholics, both inside and outside the rooms of Sexaholics Anonymous. Our vision is to provide a high-quality “meeting in print” that gathers together members from around the world. It can serve as a portable “extra meeting” especially for loners and for members who don’t have access to many meetings. In addition, Essay serves as an outreach tool to carry the message to those who have not yet found SA. We strive to include a mix of stories and shares from a wide variety of members, including men and women, prisoners, and international members. In addition, ESSAY provides Fellowship announcements and information on subjects such as new meetings, Fellowship events, and our service structure. We hope that all of the articles we publish will offer useful information and provide experience, strength, and hope to all who suffer from the disease of sexaholism. Fellowship actvities such as international conventions, regional events and local events appear in the Calendar section. Each issue has a theme and various sections to share sexaholic stories and practical tools. In addition to letters and group news, ESSAY offers short, edited articles written by members about recovery and our solution. The Practical Recovery Tools section features members sharing on the topic, “Exactly how I did it.” Submissions may also include meditations, poetry, and humor. ESSAY is guided by the principles of the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts. Each issue contains the following statement:
Listen on:
Episodes
Episodes
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
The January 29 reflection from The Real Connection has had a profound impact on my recovery.
I realized that for me, each step is a three A process: awareness, acceptance, and action. I’m very aware of Step One. The awareness is, “Oh, I guess I am addicted.” Actually, in Step One, I’m admitting that I have this problem. I have to accept it and write out my sexual history, the way my life is unmanageable. That proves to me that yes, I do have this problem, and it helps me to accept it. Then it suggests that once I’ve done that, to take action. I take Step Two.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
I remember what my life was like when I was living wholly in my addiction. It was as though I were in a cave, deep inside, where the light was far off, and surrounding me were damp, cold walls of stone. Gratefully and finally, I moved toward the light and found fellowship in SA. That damp, dark place was my lust addiction. I was isolated even though I was surrounded by people. In my lust, I saw people as objects, and I was alone.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
I didn’t know what grief was or what it felt like before recovery. Lust numbed all my emotions, positive and negative. I rarely had feelings when pets passed away. It felt like it was just part of life.
My grandma passed away when I was 16. I ended up sitting beside my grandpa and holding his hand through the funeral. I was numb and kept asking in my head, “Where are the adults? This isn’t my job.” I asked my parents why I didn’t feel anything. I would later learn that this shock (numbness) is how I initially respond to grief, but I was told that if I had invested more in my relationship with my grandma, I would have felt more. What a setup for dependency issues! I concluded I was defective and that all relationships are 100 percent dependent on me. I think my lust became worse due to this.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Cesar’s videos can be viewed on the ESSAY website on the Videos Page on https://essay.sa.org/videos/.
Sponsor: Cesar and I joined SA around the same time. After a few months, our relationship shifted from members to sponsee and sponsor.
At first, Cesar was hesitant to join virtual meetings with his camera off because he didn’t like not being able to see the people he was sharing with. That was the first reason we started contacting each other. From then on, all our calls were with our cameras on. “Just for today. The present is the only thing I have to live in sobriety,” he would say.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Dear ESSAY,Thank you for this topic on Grieving In Recovery. It has helped me reflect on how I cope with grief since being in recovery, compared to before.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
A few years after the Flemish IG began, Luc brought up the idea of organizing a larger workshop or convention. We also looked to SA in the Netherlands for collaboration. This happened several times during workshops with old-timers. A few years ago, a tradition emerged: an annual Dutch-language convention, alternately organized by the Dutch and the Flemish IG.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
When I came to SA at the beginning of January 2021, started working the Steps, and got to know my Higher Power, I thought life would no longer be difficult. As long as we are sober and with God, it can only be good, right?
Well, not really.
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
Saturday Jun 14, 2025
I have a lifetime of tears that are trapped like an ocean, deep within the inside of me,
The pain and the fears, and a lingering notion that one day they’ll all be set free.
But for now, as new tears are gathered and added deep behind an impenetrable wall,
The pressure increases as the stability decreases, awaiting the eventual fall.
I am stuck in a land where no man can stand the pain that is inside of me.
I am waiting to crumble or eventually stumble where darkness is all I can see.
Please God, may you enter, removing the winter that’s frozen like ice on my heart,
So the tears can start flowing, and I can start growing, where a new life’s beginning to start