ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

An elder member in SA helped him see that he was addicted to himself.“You’re the most arrogant [person] I have ever met!” Although a more colorful word was used instead of “person,” this statement still saved my life. 

His gratitude list was the hammer that crushed his guilt and shame.
I didn’t think I was fearful. I was a strong, tough male who had gotten in fights before and played contact sports like football, hockey, and rugby. So I thought that I wasn’t afraid of anything.
Then, after completing my Fourth Step fears inventory and talking to my sponsor, I realized and admitted that the fabric of my life was shot through with fear.  I had so many fears; I despaired of ever overcoming them! One of my biggest fears was the fear of other people’s opinion of me. I wanted to be liked, praised, admired, respected, worshipped even, whether I deserved it or not. And that was not happening.

With his sponsor’s help, he learned to deal with shame and guilt. As we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescribable (Twelve and Twelve 50). 

Peter shares in his article that initial guilt is a healthy response for him. However, shame and lingering guilt were very detrimental to his long-term recovery. He needed to understand how these harmed his recovery and what he could do to move out of guilt and shame as soon as possible—so that he could continue on his journey. 

She found the freedom to choose in sobriety.Sobriety is a gift that your wise decisions give you. Sobriety is not limited to stopping sexual relations with another person or with yourself—that is only the beginning. Sobriety is having sanity in the face of life. It is exercising the self-control that already resides within you, that was given to you by your Higher Power to choose between what is good for you and what harms you.

SA helped her see more clearly how she was holding herself back from healing fully.I haven’t taken much time as of late to consider the role that trauma plays in my consistent relapses. I was abused sexually by my father at 13, and I had sexually abusive relationships from ages 19-22. I entered SA in July of 2021 without realizing my last relationship had ended with me being sexually assaulted. The brain is a funny organ like that. Through the fog of addiction to porn and my brain trying to protect me, the pieces didn’t fall into place until a friend showed me an article that described my ex perfectly, and that final puzzle piece of sexual abuse clicked.

A reflection on 30 years of working the Program reveals a life worth living. Thirty years ago today, August 8th, 1995, I walked into a church, sat down in a room full of strangers, and said: “My name is Bill and I’m…” Thirty years ago today, I started on a journey called Recovery.

Step Nine showed him how to proceed without putting himself down. I am Tim, from Brussels. I discovered I am a sexaholic about two years ago. After a summer of destructive acting out, a painful rock bottom, and therapy, it became clear that I needed help from a 12-Step program. It was a great relief. I have been addicted to lust since my teenage years without knowing it. However, I was fascinated by images of the opposite sex and discovered the power of masturbation, but I also learned I had to hide and lie about it.