ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Having had a spiritual experience has allowed her to accept the plans God has for her personal life. 
Sitting in the counselor’s office in early 2020, I voiced my biggest fear: that one day my sexual behavior would destroy a marriage.
Fetish-oriented fantasy, masturbation, literature, and pornography had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember, for no apparent external reason. I managed to curb the habit during a one-year relationship in my senior year of college. The moment the relationship ended, however, my compulsive behavior and thinking were back with a vengeance.

Good service leadership at all levels is indispensable for our future functioning and safety. 
I began service in SA to practice leadership based on the principles and values I am learning from our 12-Step program and to learn a new sober way of life and functioning in the world. SA service means I am too focused on helping sexaholics find the Program and affirming them in their recovery.

Hearing others share from their weakness helped him realize he was not alone.
Hi, I’m Justin, I’m a grateful recovering sexaholic.  I came to SA in 2019 when a priest friend introduced me to the Fellowship. I had just started a new job and it was summertime. He invited me to a meeting, gave me the SA White Book, and encouraged me to attend. At that first meeting, I heard other men share openly about their struggles—not just with masturbation and pornography, but with lust itself. I immediately felt connected. For the first time, I realized I wasn’t alone. I had just graduated from college and was single, and hearing others share so honestly gave me a real sense of hope.

This period in his life has given him time to grow.
Hi, I’m James D., and I’ve been incarcerated since January 28, 2022. I’ve been sexually sober since November 29, 2023—one year, ten months, and one day from the worst day of my life. That day, I experienced the first of many of the best days of my life: the day I entered sobriety.

Surrendering her life to God through the steps
I am single in SA. And I am content. How is that possible?
It is possible because I feel content each day as I surrender to my Higher Power’s care. I don’t look into the future about what that means. My focus is on today.
Each day, I decide to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him (Step Three). I ask for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out (Step Eleven).

If single, have you embraced this time in your life to grow?
The author of the article “The Availability to Dive”  brings to light how beneficial it can be to live single while recovering. While it can also be challenging, the single life can give us the time needed to learn how to live without our drug and relate to others. This prepares those who plan to sober date at some point. 

Detachment was the path that led him to a break from the unreal and to seek what was real.
Without a doubt, my program is one of progress, not perfection. It has taken me some years to understand how infatuation has kept me bound to lust. Infatuation, I believe, is a distortion of reality. What begins in me as a natural response, appreciating what is attractive in another person, slides out of reality and into the realm of fantasy. My desire, grounded in lust, changes an appreciation into an unnatural desire to possess. Oftentimes, I don’t know much about the person I’m infatuated with. My infatuation is not based on knowledge or the actual qualities of a person, but is based on what I want to see and what I imagine myself doing with that person.

As a result of working the Program, this member likes the man he is growing into.
Before SA and recovery from chronic lusting and the acting out that followed, I was frequently lost in fantasy, on dating apps, or in an “intimate encounter.” The irony was, there was nothing intimate about it. This behavior eroded away my soul and made me feel deeply ashamed. It was also causing aggravation, fear, and intimidation–albeit unintentionally. Like any good ol’ sexaholic, I could not stop.