Friday Feb 21, 2025
ESSAY February 2025 - God as I Understand Him - Michael M., California, USA
ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)
The mission of ESSAY is to serve as a source of information, experience, strength and hope to sexaholics, both inside and outside the rooms of Sexaholics Anonymous. Our vision is to provide a high-quality “meeting in print” that gathers together members from around the world. It can serve as a portable “extra meeting” especially for loners and for members who don’t have access to many meetings. In addition, Essay serves as an outreach tool to carry the message to those who have not yet found SA. We strive to include a mix of stories and shares from a wide variety of members, including men and women, prisoners, and international members. In addition, ESSAY provides Fellowship announcements and information on subjects such as new meetings, Fellowship events, and our service structure. We hope that all of the articles we publish will offer useful information and provide experience, strength, and hope to all who suffer from the disease of sexaholism. Fellowship actvities such as international conventions, regional events and local events appear in the Calendar section. Each issue has a theme and various sections to share sexaholic stories and practical tools. In addition to letters and group news, ESSAY offers short, edited articles written by members about recovery and our solution. The Practical Recovery Tools section features members sharing on the topic, “Exactly how I did it.” Submissions may also include meditations, poetry, and humor. ESSAY is guided by the principles of the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts. Each issue contains the following statement:
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Episodes
Episodes
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
I have always been, like every other creature with a heartbeat, in need of love. I needed attention from others, connection with others, and the knowledge that I was accepted for who I was. I was often overly sweet to my mom as a little girl and then as a teenager in hopes of receiving her love. However, no matter how much my mom loved me and how hard she tried to give us everything, I didn’t feel the love I so longed for. My father moved to the other side of the country when I was 10, so I couldn’t find it there, either. How I longed for that love, though, for their love. I longed for a sense of being good enough, for feeling I mattered, that I was seen—for safety, acceptance, and recognition.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
I’ve had several conversations over the last 24 hours about Step One. It seems that everything right down to the core of my being resisted admitting my powerlessness. This has been, quite possibly, the biggest hurdle in my recovery journey. Admitting complete defeat felt like dying, it felt like I’d be giving up, it felt like the end. And it was the end—the end of my old life and the only passageway through which I could be born into the new life. Freedom from the bondage of self is a free gift that can only be accessed by the grace of God. As long as I was trying, wishing, willing, and working to make it happen, it eluded me. It was only when I entered into the despair and hopelessness—the “broken and contrite spirit” (SA, 88) of Step One—that the door swung open freely and God was there. My self-will had been blocking God all that time.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
I am a 50-year-old man in Poland, sober since 2011. I came to the Fellowship in 2007. My first significant stretch of sobriety was for 2.5 years starting in April 2008. Then I ended up in a psychiatric hospital diagnosed with severe depression. I lost my sobriety there, but I immediately reached out to the Fellowship again and found a sponsor. I started the Program all over again. I have been sober ever since.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
My name is Ana, and I live in Mexico. I thank God for the miracle of quitting my addictive behaviors, those patterns of lust that kept me enslaved for six years. I felt completely captive to the demands of lust, unable to resist even when I wanted to. In the last three months, however, I’ve realized that my recovery goes far beyond just quitting. God has granted me self-control, peace, temperance, discipline, and hope for the future. He has never denied me any of these gifts whenever I sincerely asked. God has given them to me generously and without reproach.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
I grew up in a religious home. My father was an ordained minister, and our family observed many religious practices. As much as my father preached the doctrine, he did not live the church principles at home, (at least, that’s how I experienced it). My sexual acting out started at a very young age and included isolation, fantasy, secrets, hiding—a real double life.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
I was a Catholic, then a Protestant … also a pastor, a missionary … and a sexaholic. That was me in a not-so-neat nutshell. God was always a significant part of my life. I fully embraced my mother’s devout religious practice and fully engaged in the church. I loved the fact that people accepted and admired me. Being “a good guy” fit my need for recognition perfectly. The more good you did, the more respect you earned. I embraced that culture wholeheartedly.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
This was submitted by an inmate as his “one year sober reflection”
My name is James D., and I have been sober since November 29, 2023. Since that day, I have had ups and downs. I’ve had several near-slips and a couple of regrets in the area of lustful thoughts.
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Friday Feb 21, 2025
Dear ESSAY,I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to the ESSAY team for continuing its vital work after Luc’s passing. Your dedication keeps alive an invaluable resource for our Fellowship worldwide.