ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

I have a lifetime of tears that are trapped like an ocean, deep within the inside of me,
The pain and the fears, and a lingering notion that one day they’ll all be set free.
But for now, as new tears are gathered and added deep behind an impenetrable wall,
The pressure increases as the stability decreases, awaiting the eventual fall.
I am stuck in a land where no man can stand the pain that is inside of me.
I am waiting to crumble or eventually stumble where darkness is all I can see.
Please God, may you enter, removing the winter that’s frozen like ice on my heart,
So the tears can start flowing, and I can start growing, where a new life’s beginning to start

As this headline suggests, I have lived through the deaths of my large childhood extended family, where I lived and thrived. Then, in midlife, my beloved husband died tragically. My circle shrank to my parents and grandmother, but in 2020, my cherished father and grandmother both died in lockdown, with all the severe trauma that involved at the time. Even my former acting-out partner will be dead by now.

“Have you worked the Steps on this issue?” Sylvia asked me that question regularly when she was my sponsor. The question stays in my head, and it comes to the surface when my Higher Power knows I need help. Seven women received many wise suggestions from Sylvia as our sponsor or as our friend. We united in our grief to have an online memorial, a memorial on Zoom, and a memorial published in the June ESSAY magazine. Sylvia passed away in October 2024. One of the women interviewed me and Sylvia’s former sponsees and friends to paint a picture of her gifts of experience, strength, and hope. 

Have you sought support to help you find the good in grief? 
 
Jack’s in-depth article describes how unprocessed grief can greatly contribute to the addictive process. He explains how support in SA, especially from an understanding sponsor, helped him discuss the losses in his life and cultivate gratitude.  

Sharing the wisdom of David M. to help us let go, grow, and remember. 
Maynardism: The opposite of love is indifference. When one is angry or critical of another, that is not indifference. That is an expression of caring. Learning to accept caring in the form of judgment is important, though rarely pleasant.

Sponsorship in Prison My name is Blue, and I am an incarcerated person serving a life sentence in the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation for the crimes of sexual assault. This is the bad news. The good news is that coming to prison was the best thing that could have happened for me, because it forced me to take an honest look at myself and what I needed to do to transform and be healed. 

SA has a set of Trustee Committees (see Concept 11) that provide advice and perform tasks on behalf of the Trustees.  The Information Technology (IT) Committee is commissioned to develop and maintain the sa.org website.  This website is often the first contact newcomers have with our fellowship and serves as a hub for providing information, literature, and services to all SA members.  We would like to keep it in tip-top shape.

For this June 2025 edition we welcome our newest amateur
illustrator An. She has created this issue's Best Caption Contest
Cartoon with August's theme: "Happy, Joyous, and ... Single."