ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Most times, all that can be done is to take an action of love long before any positive feelings follow. Yet they do follow. It has also been said that closer union in God's will brings the internal loving disposition to his will even before action is taken. Sometimes those experiences come, and many times they don't, but either way, continuing to get out of one's comfort zone helps reveal how God wants to be served today.   

This is a letter written by one of the intergroup representatives to our regional assembly on the occasion of the death of our delegate, Antonio S., in January 2026.
Tribute to our dear friend Antonio
Aristotle taught that honor does not belong to the individual, but to those who observe him. It is an external marker, the public recognition of a virtuous life. Today, the honor we attribute to Antonio is an accurate reflection of the man he chose to be.
 

The SA ICC walks an intergroup through the process of hosting an international convention that opens a channel for spiritual growth unique only found in service.
  The opportunity to attend an international convention can lead to a recovery experience that will last for years to come.  We listen to the experience, strength, and hope from many of our oldtimers. We make new and lasting friendships with members from around the world.  We give our time in service by leading a meeting or volunteering in registration or the fellowship room. This is an experience we won’t want to miss. 
 

He stopped trying to obtain happiness his way and found it by living God’s way.
I can imagine myself from early in recovery saying something like: “positive sobriety??? How about just sobriety?? I can’t even stay sober, and now you tell me I need positive sobriety!? What the heck is that!??”

The Gardener of her soul prepared her to receive the garden of his presence, a Presence who is growing a new life that the butterfly of obsessive love could never give.  
For many years, I lived chasing a butterfly. I believed that within it lay my breath, my meaning, and my joy. I thought that if I managed to catch it, my heart would stop feeling incomplete.
 

Focusing his attentions on others in service became more attractive than his self-interest.  
Sobriety was not a possibility for me before starting the Program two and a half years ago. Years of escaping unpleasant aspects of life by fantasizing in my mind and finding ways to pleasure myself seemed unchangeable. Going to my escape drug was an ingrained habit leading me to a kind of despair and hopelessness. I was finally open to the truth that I was sick, addicted, and unable to find hope by myself. 

Only God’s power can remove the blindness of self-centeredness and enlighten the eyes of service. 
As a little child
God revealed to me
My entire day in one vision to see.
“Look,” said He,
“At all good things for you
In loving service to choose to do.”

Positive sobriety was not possible for him without positive steps and real connection with others. 
I came into this Program seeking “negative sobriety”. By that I mean I wanted to negate acting out from my life. Like everything else up to that point, I thought I could do it on my own. If I read some literature, meditated a bit on all the things I’d done and sought absolution for them, bingo, I’d be cured. This was, of course, my ego telling me that I could solve all my problems. Of course, it was that mindset that overwhelmed me, that drove me to pornography and fantasy, away from the real world where people I loved and cared about lived.