ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

I sat there all alone one afternoon in a stunning location in Hawaii. And all of a sudden, a realization came over me. I understood that if I didn’t stop acting out now, I would be lost—for the rest of my life. I would never make any meaningful connection with anyone, and I would 
descend lower and lower into moodiness, self-centered bitterness, cynicism, and despair.

I didn’t think I could ever get sober. But “God could and [did when I sought Him]” (AA 60), and He does for [me] what [I] could not do for [myself] (AA 84).
The White Book assures me, "...we started sharing at meetings, telling our story, bringing the inside out. And we discovered that the way to feel better is not only going to meetings but taking the risk of self-disclosure” (SA 65). This is my story in addiction and in recovery. 

Knowledge and pride have been big obstacles in my working the Program. “Knowing the Truth,” as mentioned in our White Book (SA 91), has been another obstacle. As I accumulated calendar sobriety, I was unsure why I kept feeling anxious about lust.

Early in recovery, it was instilled in me that, in order to recover, I need to be H.O.W. (Honest, Open-minded, and Willing). 
Without honesty, I am left only with OW! [for many English speakers, this is what we say (or yell) when we get hurt]. I am focusing more on honesty now because I’m tired of the pain that results without it (the OW!).
Please pray for me, the fellow at the door, and anyone who wants our solution.

One of my friends in prison informed me that he is going to be paroled soon. He asked for advice on what he should do upon release. I asked him where he plans to live and sent him a list of meetings in his area with contact phone numbers. I asked if he had transportation to his location. If not, I suggested that he find a local bus service or transportation service. 

Different forces propelled us to the first-ever SA India Workshop Weekend in Ashirvad, Bangalore. These forces included life-threatening spiritual bankruptcy, absolute failure of moderation and self-control, and a serendipitous string of events amidst desperate seeking.

I knew from the start of my journey in SA that our founder, Roy K. wrote Sexaholics Anonymous (the “White Book”) and then later learned that he also wrote Recovery Continues, Discovering the Principles, and several SA pamphlets. However, for many years, I wondered who writes all our other wonderful SA literature and what’s involved in the publication process. Then the opportunity arose to do international service, and I volunteered to join the Literature Committee.

Before getting sober, I was not a book person. In fact, I had never read a book cover-to-cover. I almost finished one book in school because it took me into a fantasy world, away from reality. Most reading for me, though, was distressing and pointless.
 
My religious tradition encouraged me to read, study, and meditate. I sometimes read scripture so as not to incur disapproval or feel left out, but I missed the most important part of reading: applying its principles. I saw reading only as a box to check off.