ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

I entered the world of SA through an invitation from a friend of a friend. At the time, I didn’t recognize my own lust addiction. I simply enjoyed the company of women, and I sometimes (read: constantly) indulged in pornography. To me, those explicit images were no different from any movie broadcasted on TV. And when I heard about Sexaholics Anonymous, the word "Anonymous" intrigued me. It seemed to hold excitement, secrecy, and freedom—words my lust craved. 

For me, sexual lust started as a simple game that I played with the kid next door. I never imagined that such a game could develop into a “way of life.” My family paid more attention to my beautiful, smart sister, and to attract their attention, I started stealing from them to get more attention. This didn’t work. I didn’t know how to say, “I’m here! See me! Love me! I need my father to hold me!” 

I just got back from the SA/S-Anon International Conventions in Los Angeles. This was the first International Convention in the United States since 2020, and the final registration count was 664! There were another 70 people around the world who joined sessions via livestream. Eleven countries were represented (including Kenya, Israel, and Belgium), 40 of the U.S. states, plus Puerto Rico and Washington D.C.

Last weekend (early April 2024), about 20 SA members spent about 14 hours together for “Truro Recovery Day” in Cornwall, UK (Truro is a quant cathedral city in southwest England). One of the smallest groups in the UK (the Truro meeting) hosted this annual event of the southwest corner of England.

One of the highlights of the international convention in Los Angeles was finally meeting my first (and now former) sponsee, John H. After six years of phone conversations and occasional Zoom meetings, we met in person in California. Being my first sponsee, he often referred to himself as my “guinea pig.”

As a chronic, hopeless sexaholic, I have no human defense against lust. When I lust, I cannot stop. As a chronic sexaholic I have a physical allergy to whatever chemicals, neurotransmitters, hormones—you name it—that are produced by my own brain and body when I am lusting or engaging in selfish sexual behavior. My mental and physical reaction to those substances differ from the reaction of normal people.

I love plants! I have plants in my living room, kitchen, bedroom…everywhere! All that greenery in the house makes me feel good, and since I'm in recovery, I can take good care of them, too. Before, all my plants were dying. I just wasn't able to give them what they needed, which isn’t  surprising, considering I could barely keep myself alive.

Through the grace of God and this program, I've been sober since March 4, 2006. I believe that the best way to help “the sexaholic who still suffers” (Tradition 5) is through our sobriety definition. This is the SA message that we carry to the newcomer in our meetings. I believe there are many ways to achieve sobriety from sexual addiction, but there is only one way to achieve recovery from sexaholism — that is by working the SA program.